The bus left immediately after we stepped out and left nothing but silence for us to fill. The only people out there, or as it seemed—the only people in the whole world we stepped into, were us: two lost girls, and them: two boys who came to pick us up.

The boys, one our new roommate (you know him as the co-author of this blog), and the other one a great friend to be, filled up the silence in the air with welcomes, smiles, and anything that could put a mask on the confusion towards this new situation we got ourselves into. It made a nice and cozy feeling that we are not alone in this new world.

And this Jaen, well, I’ll tell you: however much I tried to find something about it, whichever amount of hours I spent before arriving looking for pictures, texts and opinions that could get me to know it, that could build up something I could hold onto and expect, in the end, out the first meeting was a truly blind date.

Unveiling the mystery of Jaen

If you tried to search for Jaen on Google, you would see for yourself that the information is rather sparse and poor. You would find some articles saying that Jaen is a forgotten Andalusian pearl, but more than that—hardly. It would require the skills of an investigative journalist to put the puzzle together.

That is because Jaen is a shy and modest city. The one that doesn’t brag about its past, history, and existence. The one that doesn’t wave to tourists to get attention, and that deliberately chooses to stay in the shadow of the gracious cities of Malaga, Seville, and Granada, relinquishing the throne to them and cozying up to the warmth of its shell.

Jaen is like a celebrity with no desire for the spotlight, the one who avoids the press and media, flourishing behind its gates and caring for the ones that are already in. It is like a monastery: all are welcome, but none are persuaded.

Google Street View is NOT your best travel buddy

So, as we walked out the station gates, I gasped to myself in a surprise. You see, when you search for Jaen and you don’t find many pictures, you turn to Google Street View, and, well, nobody ever tells you that you should not do this. That is because, no surprise, you lose so much from just a view.

Those empty streets, sunny rooftops, and wild sideroad meadows I saw from the street view looked like one hot day in the industrial area; a lazy and silent atmosphere. I imagined people sitting in their homes, watching television, almost sleeping in their chairs. It looked almost like that rolling bush from Western movies would be the one expecting me when I stepped off the bus. But the truth was much more optimistic.

Let me start with one simple and easy-to-understand description: the thing you won’t see in Google Street View is that Jaen is a city of SUPER steep streets.

This steepness gives those streets so much character, which is nonexistent through the camera. Don’t get me wrong, I am born and raised a lowlander, the streets from my hometown are all ironed out, so I’ll say, flat is also pretty.

But when a city is rich in those precipitous roads, its soul hides within every step up and down. Primarly speaking, the angle and the position of buildings, cafes, and malls differ from the impression you get from the pictures, so it feels as if it is not the same city.

The camera makes the city look plain and boring, while in real life, the city is bold and perky! High buildings make this place a city, and colorful balconies make it cozy. It just has a soul so strong that it twirls your head around when you step into it. At first glance, and you already know you are going to fall in love with it.

The next advice, now, is very serious, so listen carefully. NEVER forget that Google Street View operators find some time of the day when there are as few people as possible on the streets. So, if a city seems empty and lonely, don’t believe it, because you are watching it through the eyes of a robot, lounging in your chair, in some other world, with some other air.

You are missing the summer breeze that caresses the trees, you are missing the teeth of the sun on your neck, the silent whisper of olive trees guarding the city, the peace when the city sleeps in the afternoon, and the energy that it produces when the sun starts to settle. And most importantly, you are missing the people. Those who bring life to these blocks of bricks.

You are missing all of these, so no, you are not looking at the same city as you would with your own eyes; you are looking at an empty architectural plan with no real meaning.

Falling for the real Jaen

But the lights on the streets were telling a different story, the music somewhere far away was giving away a good feeling, and all those shops proudly standing tall down the street, all that was telling me I was very wrong about this place.

Our apartment was 5 minute’ walk from the station, but those 5 minutes got me excited for the next day. I was still not expecting too much, but I felt this city would love me and I would love it back. We got up to our building, passing these narrow streets and friendly windows. Our hallway was astonishing: clean white marble tiles, welcoming yellowish light, and big green plants in those white antique Greek pots. It was like a hallway of a ministry or embassy and not of a regular residential building.

Our apartment was on the top floor (with only two other apartments below us), and it was enormous! Marko (the new roommate, and later my life partner and co-founder of this blog) gave us a quick tour, and we settled in our bedrooms. It was all so new, but all so familiar. I rearranged my room so it would reflect my personality and opened the windows. Below I saw a terrace and at the bottom, a patio: those were of our neighbors.

Behind the wall across me, 4 buildings were rising in the distance, waving me with laundry that was drying in the wind, lights of TVs and just simply, the life of the locals, who would welcome me as one of them. I felt secure, and I felt at home. It was like I was meant to be there. I slept like a baby that night, dreaming of the things that awaited me the next day.

And that is how it went—the first date with the city that will change my life; a city I would dream of for years to come; a city where I would meet the love of my life, and the city that would open the doors to Spain to me—a country I would later in my life call home so many times again.

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We, people from landlocked countries, spend almost our entire lives dreaming of a house on the shore, dreaming of looking at golden beaches and breathing in the fresh sea breeze while sipping on our morning coffee.

We rather choose to spend our vacations bathing in the sun instead of going camping in the woods. It is because that is what we lack the most – cold seawater and some freshly prepared seafood with a glass of good wine or some crazy pineapple cocktail, and all that while watching the sun settle behind the horizon.

A dream, right?

Well, certainly! One man’s every day – another man’s luxury.

Those stories are always filled with unthinkable adventures, shiny crystal-clear waves, vivid and exotic palm trees, sweet and sugary coconut milk, warm platinum sand, and, of course, the most delicious local cuisine.

It is different for us who think of a palm tree as a symbol of luxury, hedonism, and privilege, and for whom the sea breeze smells like freedom and success. For us to whom the word village is not countable for those little places on the seaside and who rather call them oasis.

It is different because we expect too much, we expect a paradise resort even in those local sea-side places where people work in fields and fish. We don’t see the ordinary in the seaside life, because it is not ordinary for us, and when facing the ordinary in this paradise we imagined, it is truly a slap in the face.

All those things are exactly what I was expecting while sitting on a plane on my way to Malaga. I remember I kept telling my friend “WOW! We will be spending a whole year in Spain: drinking cocktails, sitting on the beaches, wearing floral dresses, drinking Sangria and eating fresh fish and whatnot”.

We imagined the world we were about to enter is an absolute luxury, tanned people, European behavior, fancy restaurants, fancy apartments, fancy beaches, well… EVERYTHING fancy!

And the thing that happened when we got there – well, it was not that fancy, it was just, you know – life. But we didn’t get that at the very moment, it took us some time. Because when you enter another state, another culture, you look on it from your previous experiences, and if you never lived anywhere but your own culture before, those eyes you are looking from are the eyes of a tourist.

And that is fine when you are a tourist. As a tourist you make sure you are staying in a nice place, you are spending your days at the beach, not thinking of yesterday or tomorrow, you are eating at fancy restaurants, because you prepared yourself money-vise to just spend and relax, etc.

But when you come as, well, a resident-to-be, without so much money on you, focused on a hundred other to-do-before-you-settle things and STILL look through the eyes of a tourist, you experience a little bit of disappointment.

The real difference between a tourist and a resident-to-be

Well when you come to a place with that attitude of a citizen-to-be, the city will treat you that way. You choose an Airbnb room, shared with other local people, who are living by their regular everyday flow, which creates a regular living atmosphere and not the fancy beachy vacation atmosphere you expected. Yes, you came to this place with some other plan and not to vacate, but you still somehow expect that vacation feeling.

If you are like what we were back then, two young people with no experience in traveling, the first time this far away from home, first time traveling by plane, and first time not having anybody to organize your trip but you, then you would probably, like us, not look very well into the tourist information as you would if going on a vacation. You would book your room, book your plane, organize the trip to the place you are staying, and then, you know, expect to think from that point on.

Well, you are not a tourist, you are a resident and the city is treating you exactly like one. So, your first impressions of this paradise place you came to? Scary, big, not-so-welcoming, where-the-heck-is-the-beach!?, not-a-paradise-at-ALL, and so on and so on. BUT, don’t worry, and lower your judgments, once you start seeing it with the eyes of a resident, you will find it very charming and you will wrap your heart around it forever.

But can tables turn like that?

Yes, and they certainly will; but two of us were still not figuring this out at the very moment, so we were not impressed. We went to the beach, thankfully, we popped into the right person when asking the directions, who led us to the better beach, saying that the one in the city is not so pretty. He took us to Benalmadena. Benalmadena is very popular, very beautiful, full of tourists and restaurants, etc., but you know, it is a regular tourist place. Nothing so resorty and fancy and nothing so unthinkable, a regular seaside place. So, at the time, we were still just okay with the whole place, but not as astonished as we expected. Nobody would know that almost a year apart from then, we will gladly choose Benalmadena again as an exceptional beach place for showing it to our friends. We were more experienced then, of course, so we choose a boat to stay in and not a room, so that put a star on our experience, but more on that later.

First impressions of Spain

The thing that fascinated us the most was the change between day and night, where days lasted till 22:00h. This was early September, which was like an unrealistic dream for us, it was very cool, and a bit scary. But thinking that the most fascinating thing in this city is day shifting, you find it a little bit disappointing.

The day got better while visiting the city center, we finally got to try the famous Sangria (which, you would be shocked to know, is not such a popular drink among locals) and got to feel the city’s energy. That night we met our roommate-to-be, a great guy from Morocco, who you will be meeting a bit later.

So, without telling it to each other, but not so impressed, we packed our bags the third day and we set off to Jaen, our home-to-be for the next 12 months. From that point we expected nothing; we got to see Malaga, which compared to Jaen, a small city without sea, can be just … worse, right? If Malaga didn’t WOW us, Jaen certainly won’t. And that moment of lowering the expectations and being slapped by the reality is what opened our eyes to all the beauty you could find in Andalusia, Malaga, and Jaen, and all the other cities in the region. And let me give you just a peek in Jaen: no sea could replace its charm, but you will find more about that some other time.

What was wrong with our expectations?

Looking back now and knowing all that I do after living in Andalusia when coming as a resident and not a tourist, the beauty of a place will show itself in ordinary life. It will not be the beautiful beaches and luxury restaurants you’ll remember; it will be that regular everyday flow which is so much different than that in your country of origin. You will find that all those things you thought would impress you and build up your life experience, will just be a part of your regular life and that things that will actually leave a trace, will be those little moments on a casual Monday.

To love a country or a place and to fall in love with it, you either must be a 100% tourist or 100% NOT. And no, I don’t mean you should not try those TripAdvisor restaurants, or stay in a hotel if in another city, or not try the classic tourist experience. All I am saying is – if not a tourist, DO NOT expect too much, and do not expect to be treated that way, because you are starting your new life, and not going on a vacation. But as important, do not force to become a local. It is fine if you go to an American restaurant and if you don’t like the local food. It is also fine if you don’t like local music and would rather listen to your music. If you are a resident, you will be treated that way, no matter how you speak, what you like, etc. Because the only actual difference between a tourist and a resident is your attitude towards the country you are in, it is your perception of things that surround you.

The truth about Spain and a pinch of advice

Looking back now, I find Andalusia magical and I am absolutely fascinated by it! I love the people, I love the food (which is not what you would imagine), I also love the sea, which you will find is NOT crystal clear; I love the beaches, with gray ashy sand and not the golden one, I love those dark corners that tell me I’m home, those market owners who, like me, are both foreigners and locals, and all those odd traditions I later embraced in my everyday life. I just love it all.

So, my advice for all of you like myself – don’t expect the beauty to be so apparent; stop and take a moment to breathe and smile, because that is how the Spanish people are: relaxed and happy. So, before you dislike something, try your best to enjoy it, and, believe me, you will love it very soon!

If you think that maybe you have also fallen into the expectation trap and want to know what the beaches really are like, what exactly is the local food, who those mysterious market owners are and how does life in Andalusia really look like, just continue reading our texts, and we will be happy to shatter your foggy goggles and show you the REAL beauty of the sunny land of Andalusia!

We appreciate your support!

Thank you for reading our content and following our journey! We are working towards becoming full-time content creators and being able to share stories with you even more frequently. If you’d like to support us to be one step closer to that goal, you can do it through Ko-Fi! 👇🏽

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The post First time in Spain: The expectation trap appeared first on My Coliving Space: Spain.